My cancer went into full remission after 2 cycles of chemotherapy back in Nov. 2010. I finished out 4 more cycles of inpatient chemo ending mid Feb. Then took a milder form of oral chemo starting in March for about a month.
Things did not seem like they could have gone any smoother. I was able to finish my med school rotations, do 13 residency interviews all across the country, and match at the anesthesiology program I wanted to go to all inbetween chemo sessions every 3 wks. I graduated from med school on May 14, 2011 and we were off to Florida to catch a cruise to the Bahamas the next day. We were going to celebrate being cancer free, done with chemo, and the end of the long medical school road.
Then, irony at it's finest. About half-way through the cruise when drying myself off I noticed a tender spot on my leg/groin. Upon a little further investigation I determined it was a swollen lymph node and knew it most likely signified relapse. I debated whether or not to say anything to my wife because I did not want it to ruin the rest of our vacation or have her worry unnecessarily. I went ahead and told her. She took it better than expected, but it was still quite a blow. I think telling her affected me more than her. Instead of being able to shrug it off until we got home I was forced to confront the possibilities of what it could be and what we could have to go through over the next months to a year with treatment, moving, residency, insurance, money, etc. Needless to say there were at least a couple of hours here and there wasted to worry.
I literally could not believe it. Here I was, 30 years old, not single health problem before this. I've never drank, smoked, done drugs, and I eat well and have stayed in good shape. I have a type of lymphoma that has been described as the one you would choose if you could because of the positive prognosis. It responded immediately to treatment and had shown no signs of being active for almost 6 mos. The cure rate after 6 cycles of the chemo I had is from 70-94%. Being young, healthy, and the quick response rate should have put me up there in the 90% range, or so I would have thought. Nope, not for me. Here it was, back after only a month of being off all treatments, when I was finally starting to feel like a normal person again. I did not know exactly what this meant for my prognosis (I had not checked into treatment/prognosis of relapse. I figured if I needed to know that it would probably be much further down the road.), but I knew it was not good.
Although I knew it was probably not the case, my biggest fear was that this could be the beginning of the end. Lymphomas can become resistant to chemo just as most other cancers and maybe it had never even fully disappeared. The thought that it might not respond the way it did the first time or at all to the chemo scared me. My biggest fear then and now is that my young children could grow up without their Daddy.
I honestly did not know how I was going to do it. Chemotherapy is TERRIBLE! I hated every minute of it. Losing my taste, my hair, my patience, myself. It would be one thing if this was 1,2,3 years down the road, but after only a month. Not to mention that we were supposed to be selling our house, moving to Oklahoma, and starting residency all in that next month. HOW?
I was able to push the thoughts and fears to the back of my mind and still have a good time for the rest of the trip knowing there was nothing worrying could accomplish.
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