Why, Oh Why?

I have been meaning to post about this since I first started the blog. WHY? When I was first diagnosed many of the first questions I got were: what caused it, why do you think you got this, are you angry/angry at God, do you feel picked on, etc. etc.

Well, my outlook on the whole thing is this. I do not feel like I was struck with cancer as some form of punishment. I feel like I got cancer because sometimes #$%& just happens, even to good people. Was I angry at God? Absolutely not! My faith in God is much bigger than that. I know that HE has a plan for me that is going to be the best for me and for those around me. He wants me to be happy. If somehow that involves dealing with or even dying from cancer then so be it. I believe we are sent to this life to learn how to overcome adversity, to grow to be more intelligent and compassionate beings, and ultimately more like the Savior Jesus Christ. Adversity in our lives gives us opportunity  to remember and become closer to God and Christ, which is a foundation that is needed to be able to reach out and touch the lives of others. Another reason we are here.

Lastly, do I feel picked on? Quite the contrary. Just amongst my friends, family, and aquaintances I have witnessed struggles I feel put mine to shame. I'm not talking a few, I'm talking many. Through this experience I have learned to appreciate more fully that everyone has their struggles in life whether they be physical, mental, or even things others do that they have no control over. I have seen: a dear young cousin recently taken by brain cancer (you will be missed Tig.), another dear young cousin have a relapse of her cancer, a good friend diagnosed with a horrible autoimmune disease, an aquaintance's infant daughter die while waiting for a liver transplant, infertility, families ravaged by infidelity and divorce, children born with autism, a classmate diagnosed with leukemia and another's husband with lymphoma. All of these disasters to young people in the prime of their lives. It also just makes me realize no matter how perfect someone's life may seem we all have our demons and things we have to struggle with.

Some people argue how there could be a God that would allow such horrible things to happen to his children. To that I say to experience pleasure we must experience pain. How much sweeter is true joy when you have experienced the most exquisite of pain. Those of you who have children know that you don't just give your children exactly what they want all the time. You don't even always help them do everything. They have to learn how to do things on their own, and when they can't, ask for help. At that point the parent helps, teaches, and shows love and the child grows. His love for his parent's grows and he knows he can count on them. It is the same with us as God's children. God does not smite us with such things and then abandon us. He is there.  Ever waiting, ever listening for our pleas. He has experienced our pain and he knows us perfectly. He knows what we need and when, and will give as will benefit us most, according to HIS plan. I, for one, could not go through life believing there is no God. That all of these terrible things happen randomly and we must just deal with them on our own. Seeing what I have seen just makes me believe even more. What a miserable existence that would be thinking there is no purpose or plan to the terrible things that happen in the world. Even if I am wrong, I would rather believe what I do and have hope than not and have despair.

I do not post this to seem holier than thou. That is one thing I definitely am not. These are thoughts and feelings I have struggled with and I know many of those I mentioned have struggled with. These are just my beliefs and feelings on the subject. Through all this pain and anguish there is also so much joy and beauty in this life. I hope I can concentrate on those things and not miss all the beautiful moments.